Who I would vote for in order and what I imagine as their D&D Alignments and Classes

Coming to terms with this election.

Increasingly I see American politics as just a game. Specifically, I think it is Dungeons and Dragons.

Marco Rubio (Rep. Neutral/Good, Bard): 

He has a clear, coherent philosophy in the tradition of John Locke, the federalist papers, and Adam Smith all informed by a Roman Catholicism informed by Reformed theology from Tarkio. People’s objections to his Gang of Eight bill show me that he is thinking about serious immigration reform, even if it’s not what you want. Critiques of his conservatism because of this are silly. Conservative political philosophy has never been for heavily restricted immigration.

John Kasich (Rep. Neutral/Good, Wizard): 

By far the most rational candidate running today, it is a rationality only informed situationally rather than by principle. Still, I strongly believe in careful, rational thought.

Ben Carson (Rep. Chaotic/Good, Cleric): 

He is brilliant and guided by principle, but not ignores facts that contradict those principles. Those principles are good ones though.

Bernie Sanders (Dem. Lawful/Good, Monk): 

What? Really? Before so much of the field? Yes. While I disagree with Bernie’s view of economics, I understand it. I know where it comes from. It is coherent. I really believe it is better to be guided by a strong philosophy, carefully thought through than by polls. Therefore, I’d vote for someone who is guided that way.

Ted Cruz (Rep. Lawful/Good, Paladin): 

Hegelian statism is my biggest objection to Cruz, as it is against Sanders (To me, Hegel is Lawful Neutral). The reason it is worse in Cruz is that somehow he tries to make it fit with Constitutionalism, which it doesn’t, except where he disagrees with it in terms of education. This kind of philosophical inconsistency makes me uncomfortable with a candidate. It makes me wonder if he adopts core beliefs in keeping with something other than coherence.

Gary Johnson (Lib. Neutral, Ranger): 

I voted for him in 2012 because he was the best choice. I still believe he was the best choice in that race. He’d be a pretty good choice here. Other than Johnson and McAffee, I haven’t ranked the rest of the Libertarian field here because I don’t know too much about them.  He probably has the philosophy I agree with more than anyone else here, but it is not informed by faith and has some tendencies toward inconsistency.

Hillary Clinton (Dem. Neutral/Evil, Sorcerer): 

Not quite America’s worst possible choice. She has no principles and no rationality beyond Machiavellian self-interest. She would, however, aim that self-interest at “legacy” and changes that will make it possible for her family to continue selling their product after the term ends. That means she won’t do intentional damage unless she thinks it would be popular to do so.

John McAfee (Lib. Chaotic/Neutral, Rogue): 

I totally admit the man is insane. My biggest fear is that he’d just do the whole executive branch himself and he’d fire everyone else. It would run like clockwork for a while then he’d get interested in some project besides the whole “President of the United States” thing and just go do that and let the country crumble. I am not joking. He is the typical brilliant programmer with extreme ADD. If he can stay focused on being President, he would make it stream-lined, efficient, and even mathematically elegant. Everyone here or below is not okay. Still, I would vote for this guy with the gun to his head before I voted for the next guy.

Trump (Rep. Chaotic/Evil, Barbarian): 

I would not vote for Trump if a trained monkey were running against him. The man has no coherent rational views: not even, really, self-interest in the classical sense. Self-promotion is not the same thing. He’d completely destroy even himself to garner more fame. He would completely use a nuclear bomb just to get his name out there. The man is awful. CNN just reported that “America's most unpredictable candidate could turn into America's most unpredictable commander-in-chief.” At least Hillary Clinton could be counted on not to do anything that would make her look bad to more than 55% of the population and McAfee really could do things well if he remembered to. Trump is Chaotic Evil.