A thick shell of mud coats my helm of gold

My wineskin is cracking, brittle and old.

My cloak, where not patched with some newer cloth,

Has gone white to gray and shows signs of moth.

My hide once washed clean, is now splotched with mud

And manure and urine and puss mixed with blood.

Scrapes mark my skin in every direction

Most of them stink with leavened infection.

I wonder if I can be clean again

If I can be raised from where I descend

And if I can, how long will it last

‘Fore I get dirty reliving my past

To ask to be washed again seems too bold

But what other hope do I have to hold?

2/5/03

Benjamin J. Cline

A Dream and No More

What is it you want? What is it you’ll take? I saw you wearing only a ring. Otherwise sky-clad our warm bodies sing. Was it presaging? Is my vision fake? Were it only in dreams I never would wake. But I touched your face and you touched my hair. In those real moments, was something more there? It is a question I just cannot shake. How could I just ask? What if I am wrong? Must I wonder for my heart’s fragile sake? Is it so fragile that it just might break? And must my dreams remain only a song: A wish in the dark to help me along? A song and a dream are not wings to soar, But this could be only a dream and no more. Only a dream, only still so damned strong. But I was awake when you touched my hair. You were drunk, but still, you once grabbed my hand. If dream and no more then I’ll understand But I have to know if something more’s there. Benjamin Cline 7/25/03

A cool rainy day

Today has been kind of a nice day. 

I woke up late. 

I made coffee. 

I did homework. 

I ate. 

I read. 

I thought. 

I wrote.

It was a nice day inside while it rained outside

The water fell.

The water formed droplets on the window.

The water droplets grew.

The water drops slid down the window.

The water formed a pool outside my window.

The water spashed to the ground.

The water crawled to the gutter.

Then I remembered.

I remember showering in the rain.

I remember the rain pouring over my body.

I remember the lather of the shampoo running over me.

I remember the soap-suds on the grass.

I remember the cool rainwater carressing my skin

I remember it making me cold.

I remember running into the apartment and putting on clothes.

I can still see the apartment.

I can still see black nights.

I can still see ciggarette ashes.

I can still see bottles of jack daniels.

I can still see shelves decorated with beer.

I can still see demons laughing

I can still see candles that don't give enough light.

I can still see darkness.

Then I see you.

I see you laughing through tears.

I see you bringing sunshine.

I see you playing your guitar.

I see you see you singing in the living room.

I see you singing as I fall asleep

I see sunshine.

I see sunshine, the rain is over

A Bad Habit

I have seen another sunrise

I could not avoid this fate

T'was from getting up too early

not from staying out too late

I hear the cars all driving off

I hear the day-birds screaching

The silence that I love so much

Was ruined by my teaching

Written9/22/2001

Streak of Misery

There’s blood in too many of them, I suppose
But it’s so red and bright like liquid fire
And I grew up singing about its power
And lived with a guy who was a vampire.

And when you see it, there’s usually pain
And when you lose it all you’ve lost everything
And when its pressure is too high, you might die
and then pressure just drops to not a thing.

But maybe it’s just because it is so shocking
Except that I do it too much till it’s dull
Maybe it’s just because it is just so pretty
But you can be too used to beautiful.

That bright red streak of misery delights
me against the falsehood of vast white (k)nights

I believe ignorance is really bliss
I believe this with a book in my hand
While trying to know, I still believe this.
It burns, but I try to understand.

And I was happier when not knowing
And my soul still seeks to know even more
And sadomasochistic researching
And I’m an academic pimp-bruised whore

But I study to show myself approved
Except that I do it to show that I’m smart
Maybe I just like the way that it hurts
But you can be sure it tears me apart.

That bright red streak of misery delights
me against the falsehood of vast white (k)nights

I thought there were political answers
to the problems, and cures for social ills
and that art could save those who Jesus missed
and peace could come through those who the war kills

And I still do like the Constitution
And a nice impressionistic painting
And a ringing heavy metal balad
And I have passed out from breath abating

But there is nothing in a President
Except another guy who’s prob’ly wrong
Maybe a pain-filled poem can ease the pain
But there’s no panacea in a song.

That bright red streak of misery delights
me against the falsehood of vast white (k)nights

Zombie Tonight

This week I spent too many nights sober

I was left thinking about all the things
I thought when I was younger I’d do older
And about how cheaply I sold my dreams.

But I didn’t see the rising plague to come
music and magic would not be enough
I didn’t know how bad I’d need a gun
I thought that living on the streets was tough

But now I’ve broken to the other side
The grass here’s not as dank and not as green
And the truth of the matter is a lie
And only the broken know what I mean 

Zombies don’t feel mind altering effects
Zombies don’t care about what’s coming next

Why can’t the necromancer let me rest?
Why can’t the soil keep me safe underneath?
Why not just stop with sins I’ve confessed?
Why do I still have to eat but not breathe?

But I didn’t know that sex was a drug
Or drugs were just sex for that matter
I didn’t see that shame was a wine jug
That hope was just cake to make you fatter

But now I’ve broken to the other side
The grass here’s not as dank and not as green
And the truth of the matter is a lie
And only the broken know what I mean. 

Zombies don’t feel mind altering effects
Zombies don’t care about what’s coming next

I’ll use one bullet over and over
To change my mind and to splatter my brain
I miss because I have too much cover
Provided by walls, Provided by pain

Do you know cantrips to mend my cracked soul?
My pain’s invisible until it strikes.
Then it fires its round and it leaves its hole
Reverberating in an open mic.

But now I’ve broken to the other side
The grass here’s not as dank and not as green
And the truth of the matter is a lie
And only the broken know what I mean 

Zombies don’t feel mind altering effects
Zombies don’t think about what’s wrong or right.
Zombies don’t care about what’s coming next
And I want to be a Zombie tonight. 

Zombies don’t feel mind altering effects
If you shoot them down, they do not mind
Zombies don’t care what’s coming next
Zombies don’t care what they left behind 

Zombies don’t feel mind altering effects
Zombies don’t feel hate or love when they fight
Zombies don’t care what’s coming next
And I want to be a zombie tonight 

Zombies don’t feel hate or love when they fight. 

And I want to be a zombie tonight. 

Epiphany

There was a concern once, probably founded, that we were holding to a form of godliness but denying its power with our rituals and our traditions.

So we minimized the role of Rite in our lives. We divested our faith from our religion because religion, we knew, would not get us into heaven. It's all about a relationship now.

But it's a relationship without context a relationship without action as if you could be in a relationship with someone and never do anything together.

Tonight is 12th night or Epiphany. A totally meaningless day, since we've stripped it of all meaning.

 Once we celebrated the coming of the Magi and the gifts they gave to Jesus. Once we said that there were 12 Days of Christmas this being the last. There's even a song which survives so from that time. Most people don't even know what it means, the exact opposite of what we were attempting to do when we divested our faith from our rites.

Once we saw it as the end of the Christmas season. I think if any end of the Christmas season exists now probably most people see it as New Year's. It's close enough I suppose.

Biblically the coming of the Magi is likely the end of the story of Jesus infancy. And so it's fitting to have that be the end of the Christmas season. But I guess Christmas and the Bible have nothing to do with each other; the Supreme Court has ruled on this.

Yeah it's important to end the Christmas season and it's important to end the time when we think of Christ as a baby. The Incarnation is probably the most important part of Christianity. However the Incarnation does not end with the nativity. The most important parts of the Incarnation occur after the Nativity.

It matters that God himself became a man, not just became a baby, and that he lived a perfect life as a man and died a sacrificial death that freed us from our sins. When Martyrs died and when Saints spoke it wasn't for a baby in a Manger as amazing as that was. It was for a man who was God and the amazing new way he taught us to live and the amazing sacrifice he gave.

So if we're no longer going to celebrate Jesus becoming a man, not just a baby, through Rite, then we should at least acknowledge the moment in words.

Or perhaps it is okay to go ahead and do it in  rite.