My Privilege.

Coming to terms with my Privilege. 

I have a lot of privileges.

I have privileges that come from things that I worked really hard to accomplish, often specifically to get those privileges.

•         I have privileges that come from being a (nearly) tenured faculty member.
•         I have privileges that come from having a PhD.
•         I have privileges that come from being a state employee.
•         I have privileges that come from being a licensed driver.
•         I have privileges that come from my lack of felonies.
•         I have privileges that come from practicing my faith.
•         I have privileges that come from having a salaried position.
•         Etc

I have earned these privileges and I don’t feel guilty about them, but I do have to admit that earning these privileges was easier for me than for some people because there are other privileges that other people worked really hard FOR me

• I have privileges that come my parents reading to me.
• I have privileges that come from having been raised in a two-parent household.
•  I have privileges that come being raised in a faith-system.
• I have privileges that come from American soldiers fighting and dying.
• I have privileges that come from good people investing in me.
• I have privileges that come from growing up among animals (pets AND food).
• Etc.

I can feel a sense of thankfulness for these privileges, especially being proud of the people who earned them for me. I can be honored by their sacrifice and hard work to give me a better life. I also have to admit, however, that some of these privileges were easier for them to give me because of privileges that no one had any real control over.

• I have privileges that come from having north-western European ancestry.
• I have privileges that come from having male genitalia.
• I have privileges that come from being attracted to the opposite sex.
• I have privileges that come from natural physical and mental abilities.
• I have privileges that come from talents and inclinations that I’ve never worked to develop; they’re just there.
• I have privileges that come from being born in America.
•  Etc.

These are the hard ones for me to deal with. One of the first things that I might deal with when confronting these privileges is to first of all deny them.

• Far more white people are unemployed or struggling than any other group.
•  Men are also constrained by gender roles that limit our options and behavior.
•  Gay people don’t have to deal with the pressures of pregnancy or fertility straight people do.
• I don’t have some of the talents or inclinations of some other people.
• My natural and physical abilities mean that people won’t help me out.
•  Lots of other countries/cultures aren’t that fond of Americans
•  Etc.

That doesn’t work very well because while I have to admit, that those things really are, actually, to my advantage in the vast majority of situations and I can probably avoid those areas where they are to my disadvantage fairly easily. So, my next inclination is to point out areas where I, also, do not have privileges that some other groups have so that I don’t feel bad about the privileges I do have.

• I was raised in a household below the poverty line.
• I am overweight.
• I have a curved spine.
• I am introverted.
• I am hamstrung by debt.
• My particular sect of my faith is not the most mainstream.
•  My marriage has fertility struggles.
• I have really wide feet.
•  Etc.

All that stuff is true, and my struggles are and have been real, but the fact that there are areas where I am not privileged doesn’t mean that there aren’t areas where I am. This kind of balancing act just seems kind of silly. That leads to my third inclination to react to my unearned privileges, and that is guilt. Because of this guilt I’ve done some pretty stupid things like.

• Place less-than-qualified people in positions where they will fail because they haven’t had my privileges.
• Tell people their differences don’t matter to me, cutting off an important part of who they are.
• Talk a lot for these people, advocate, and thereby silencing their own voices.
• Don’t take or use my privileges: refuse to do the things I can do because others can’t.
• Completely ignore those outside my privilege zone so I am not bothered by it.
• Bully other people into recognizing their privilege.
•  Etc.

That kind of guilt is pretty messed up too and leads to some pretty horrible things. So, what can I do? Well, to start with, don’t feel guilty. Instead, just be honest.

• Recognize that my privilege probably protects me and probably blinds me, so I need to listen carefully to other points of view.
• Try to pay attention when I am acting from within my privilege. A lot of things that we who are privileged can do, everyone should be able to do. We shouldn’t stop doing them, but we should pay attention.
• Try not to judge. This is true both of people who are not as privileged and those who seem to be just as privileged. A lot of this stuff is invisible until it works itself out and I might just be seeing the product, not the process.
• While I can’t necessarily always use my privilege to build others up, sometimes I can, with their permission, and I should.
• At the very least I shouldn’t use my privilege to tear other people down.
• Etc.

I don’t have this all figured out. I’m still messing up. I’m still trying to navigate the whole thing. Still, I really think that recognizing my privilege and trying to live a life where I don’t feel guilty for its existence, or use it to hurt people, and where I use it to help when I can is the best I’ve got right now. Maybe someday I’ll have something better. 

Who I would vote for in order and what I imagine as their D&D Alignments and Classes

Coming to terms with this election.

Increasingly I see American politics as just a game. Specifically, I think it is Dungeons and Dragons.

Marco Rubio (Rep. Neutral/Good, Bard): 

He has a clear, coherent philosophy in the tradition of John Locke, the federalist papers, and Adam Smith all informed by a Roman Catholicism informed by Reformed theology from Tarkio. People’s objections to his Gang of Eight bill show me that he is thinking about serious immigration reform, even if it’s not what you want. Critiques of his conservatism because of this are silly. Conservative political philosophy has never been for heavily restricted immigration.

John Kasich (Rep. Neutral/Good, Wizard): 

By far the most rational candidate running today, it is a rationality only informed situationally rather than by principle. Still, I strongly believe in careful, rational thought.

Ben Carson (Rep. Chaotic/Good, Cleric): 

He is brilliant and guided by principle, but not ignores facts that contradict those principles. Those principles are good ones though.

Bernie Sanders (Dem. Lawful/Good, Monk): 

What? Really? Before so much of the field? Yes. While I disagree with Bernie’s view of economics, I understand it. I know where it comes from. It is coherent. I really believe it is better to be guided by a strong philosophy, carefully thought through than by polls. Therefore, I’d vote for someone who is guided that way.

Ted Cruz (Rep. Lawful/Good, Paladin): 

Hegelian statism is my biggest objection to Cruz, as it is against Sanders (To me, Hegel is Lawful Neutral). The reason it is worse in Cruz is that somehow he tries to make it fit with Constitutionalism, which it doesn’t, except where he disagrees with it in terms of education. This kind of philosophical inconsistency makes me uncomfortable with a candidate. It makes me wonder if he adopts core beliefs in keeping with something other than coherence.

Gary Johnson (Lib. Neutral, Ranger): 

I voted for him in 2012 because he was the best choice. I still believe he was the best choice in that race. He’d be a pretty good choice here. Other than Johnson and McAffee, I haven’t ranked the rest of the Libertarian field here because I don’t know too much about them.  He probably has the philosophy I agree with more than anyone else here, but it is not informed by faith and has some tendencies toward inconsistency.

Hillary Clinton (Dem. Neutral/Evil, Sorcerer): 

Not quite America’s worst possible choice. She has no principles and no rationality beyond Machiavellian self-interest. She would, however, aim that self-interest at “legacy” and changes that will make it possible for her family to continue selling their product after the term ends. That means she won’t do intentional damage unless she thinks it would be popular to do so.

John McAfee (Lib. Chaotic/Neutral, Rogue): 

I totally admit the man is insane. My biggest fear is that he’d just do the whole executive branch himself and he’d fire everyone else. It would run like clockwork for a while then he’d get interested in some project besides the whole “President of the United States” thing and just go do that and let the country crumble. I am not joking. He is the typical brilliant programmer with extreme ADD. If he can stay focused on being President, he would make it stream-lined, efficient, and even mathematically elegant. Everyone here or below is not okay. Still, I would vote for this guy with the gun to his head before I voted for the next guy.

Trump (Rep. Chaotic/Evil, Barbarian): 

I would not vote for Trump if a trained monkey were running against him. The man has no coherent rational views: not even, really, self-interest in the classical sense. Self-promotion is not the same thing. He’d completely destroy even himself to garner more fame. He would completely use a nuclear bomb just to get his name out there. The man is awful. CNN just reported that “America's most unpredictable candidate could turn into America's most unpredictable commander-in-chief.” At least Hillary Clinton could be counted on not to do anything that would make her look bad to more than 55% of the population and McAfee really could do things well if he remembered to. Trump is Chaotic Evil. 

Don't freak out about these Political Machinations

(Coming to terms with American civics)

Things to know about what's going on regarding the Supreme Court:

1. Republicans and Democrats are the two major political parties in the United States.
1. The United States is largely a two party system, thus making these two parties pretty powerful.
2. While Republicans and Democrats actually agree on most things that are controversial in other countries (a Constitutional Republic form of government, free ownership of property, a basic set of individual rights, a citizen military, income tax as primary revenue, free trade with allies, a non-command economy, etc.), most Americans see Republicans and Democrats as opposite.
3. While the majority of Americans do not see themselves as Republicans or Democrats, those who do seem to feel strongly that the other side is quite wrong.
2. The Constitution of the United States posits three branches of government. Ideally:
1. The Legislators makes laws
2. The President executes those laws and runs the bureaucracy that executes those laws.
3. The Courts make sure the Legislators and the President are acting within the limits of the Constitution.
3. The Constitution of the United States gives the right to the President of the United States to appoint Justices to the Supreme Court (and other federal courts too).
1. A Supreme Court Justice has his or her position until deciding to retire, or dying, whichever comes first.
4. A Supreme Court justice, Antonin Scalia, recently died.
1. Antonin Scalia was appointed by Ronald Reagan, a Republican.
2. Antonin Scalia has almost always voted the way that the Republican party would want him to on the Supreme Court.
3. The current President of the United States, Barack Obama, is a Democrat.
5. The Constitution of the United States gives the Legislature power to "advise and consent" to these appointments. 
1. If they do not consent, there is no appointment.
2. The majority in both houses of the Legislature are Republicans. 
3. The Legislature can deny consent, but even if they don't want to go that far, they can take as long as they want to deliberate. 
6. There is a Presidential election in nine months. 
1. The Republican Party thinks that they might win that election.
2. They all know that they also might not.
3. If the Republicans can hold off the new Justice, and the next President is a Republican, they might be able to get a justice who will agree with them on most issues.
4. On the other hand, if they do this, they might be seen as "obstructionist" by the people who are not Republicans or Democrats and might lose the election because of that.
5. If the Republicans lose the election, they will have gone to a great deal of work for nothing.
7. In the end, you'll hear a lot of people talk about precedent, Constitutional powers, intent, and other things, but the truth is that both parties just want to put their person on the courts, plain and simple, and all this other stuff is just justification

The fact of the matter is that it is all just politics and positioning. The Republicans and Democrats would be doing the exact same thing that the others are doing if the situation were reversed. Maybe politics itself is distasteful. Maybe we wish that Justices were chosen by merits or elections instead of appointments. That's not the way it works though. So, I have a feeling emotions are going to run really high about this whole thing and people are going to get real upset with each other. 

Don't.

All of this is just the way things work and at most it will be nine-months before it all shakes out. It'll be okay. 

Lie

The lie was just so perfect.
It was round and smooth and shiny.
I could see myself reflected in it so well.
While simultaneously seeing the whole world through it.
And if its curves distorted anything
it was only to make a more beautiful reality.
I could only smile when I looked at it.

It was so unlike truths I’d had before,
all opaque and unpolished
old and dusty.
Something that could be seen
but just couldn’t be seen through.

The lie curved to fit beautifully into my hand.
Every finger had a place.
It wasn’t jagged at all the way truths are when you hold them.
It didn’t leave splinters.
It felt so good.
I could carry it in my hand and not even notice it was there.
Unless I needed to caress it
for comfort

I was so happy when they gave it to me.
I’d seen the lie before.
Here and there in bits and pieces.
It was really quite popular.
I knew lots of people who held it.
So when it was finally passed to me
I felt so superior to those still walking around
with only truths
or maybe questions
or maybe nothing at all.

And the people who gave it to me
were so sincere.
They’d held the lie until it had become a part of them.
Many had used the lie to prop up
a life that I
envied.

And when I looked through the lie
I saw you.
And when you looked through the lie
you saw me.
And we liked what we saw.

And at speeds neither of us could discern
because the lie’s refraction distorted our speeds
we came closer and closer to each other
meeting together at the lie
and shattering it.

And it hurt.
And the lie shattered into truth
and little shiny pieces of it embedded into our skin
And they bleed.
And they scar.

And I look at you
without the lie.
And I like what I see.
but I see something else
than I saw  with the lie.
And I know you think you can only be beautiful
when seen through the lie.

And I pick up the
Old, dusty, opaque, unpolished, and splintery truth
that I’d put down when they gave me the lie.
And I used it as a crutch,

And I ask you to come with me
and I don’t know if you will.
but I hope so. 

Strike a Pose then Strike the Set

Strike a Pose then Strike the Set

The glass is cracking but I can’t let on
More smoke to hide mirrors I’m built upon
If I can hold on for just one more song
I might get along. I might finish strong.

I will just fake it until I make it
and when I make it I will make it good
I will not let go until I take it
Like I convinced myself I really could.

I will have the girls all sing the breakdown.
Focus on them because I’m breaking down.
I will have the girls all sing the breakdown.
They’re in the spotlight while I’m taken down.

I button up my alpha overcoat
Over my beta shirt so it won’t show
The gamma-delta tooth-marks on my throat
Not worth a zeta, eta, iota though

I will just try it until they buy it
then they will probably buy it all.
I can just hold this pose and keep quiet
I will be an idol that will not fall.

I will have the girls all sing the breakdown.
Focus on them because I’m breaking down.
I will have the girls all sing the breakdown.
They’re in the spotlight while I’m taken down.

I’ll pray a little harder when I pray,
borrow a bit more for the dues I pay,
push the pencil harder on shades of gray,add volume ‘til the pressure goes away.

I will just act until it is a fact.
When it’s a fact it will be common sense;
A dollar that’s full faith and credit backed;
A border cause that’s where I put a fence.

I will have the girls all sing the breakdown.
Focus on them because I’m breaking down.
I will have the girls all sing the breakdown.
They’re in the spotlight while I’m taken down.

I hear the angels singing the breakdown.
They sing so pretty. Hear the words they say.
I hear the angels singing the breakdown.
Increase the volume as I fade away.

I hear the angels singing the breakdown
I can feel myself moving off the stage.
I hear the angels all singing the breakdown
as I come to the end of the page.

New Year's Resolutions

These are my New Year's resolutions. I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, but 2015 would have been a better year if these had been a few more people's resolutions. So, I'd like to invite you to join me in resolving:

1. No mass shootings. Actually, I am going to do my utmost not to shoot anyone at all this year including any minority members.
2. No personalized or sectarian political rhetoric. If I agree or disagree with a particular issue, I will discuss that issue, not the people or political party involved.
3. I will not do illicit drugs, get drunk, or engage in illegal or unethical activities to fund any addiction.
4. I will not join any apocalyptic death cults, Islamic or otherwise, especially not any such groups hoping to bring about the end of the world through the establishment of a militaristic, expansionist world-wide theocratically governed monoculture.
5. I will not produce or distribute sexually explicit images of myself or others. Therefore, I will also not be upset when these images fall into unintended hands. 
6. I will not seek to legally inhibit in any way the rights of an individual to dispose of his or her own life, liberty, or property when there is not a direct effect on my own.
7. I will live my life according to dictates of my faith and worthy of the callings to which I have been called.
8. I will not be "outraged" when people who do not share my faith or calling do not behave as if they shared my faith or calling, do not share my political beliefs, or have even really dumb and cruel ideas.
9. I will aspire to live quietly, and to mind my own affairs, and to work with my hands.
10. I hereby state, and mean all that I say, that I never have been and never will be a candidate for President; that if nominated by either party, I should peremptorily decline; and even if unanimously elected I should decline to serve.

© 2016 Benjamin J. Cline

Bloodloss

There are a few pricks that can penetrate
the chinks in my armor; rip me apart;
expose me; cause me to exsanguinate;
pulsing red passion from my beating heart.

For one, to question my integrity,
or give me orders like an underling,
or if someone critiques my family,
or if someone disrespects my calling.

But even more than this my daughter’s voice
sweet, and innocent; she has done no wrong.
But I see my own wrongness of my own choice
sung back through only a purest love’s song.

Then I see through fog composed of my pain
my pride holds the razor that cuts my vein.